No mom I’m not pregnant! Although some days I feel pregnant, but that could be because of aging hormones , sleep deprivation and the blur that is life itself. With the constant going, doing, moving, being and embracing new seasons and new chapters, I find myself pondering on the thoughts of a future baby Ferguson no 2. I catch myself day dreaming, and thinking of what would it be like to have another baby. When I get lost in those moments of what if, I wake from it all feeling a missing and longing and this space in my heart that needs to be filled with another little baby. How can you miss someone that you have never met before?
Now , don’t get me wrong. I don’t want a baby for the sake of having another baby. Having children is hard work. Yes, it’s fun and yes your heart experiences a love like no other. But, it’s a constant stretching, a constant giving, and bless them they are a little expensive too! This longing for another baby has taken me by surprise if I had too be honest with you. Because, I was quite fine thinking that maybe Malakai would be our only child. I have never been the broody type, and I don’t cry when I see newborn babies, and I never felt the need to mass produce babies like a baby popping factory.
But something in my heart has shifted, almost as if my heart is getting ready to love another little life, and make extra space for them. Which is scary for me, because that means that my little Malakai won’t be the little baby of the house anymore, instead he will one day be the big brother that will look out for his future brother or sister!
Rash and I never wanted to rush the baby process, even though we get asked time and time again “when is the next little one coming?” We wanted to be wise and make sure that when we stretched as a family, that our budgets, our lifestyles , our careers, and family dynamics would be able to stretch along with it. And for me, I wanted to feel confident that little Malakai would feel independent when transitioning into big brother mode.
I think Malakai would make for an awesome big brother! Why? Because he has a gentle soul, he is very receptive to vocal tone, and body language. He loves speaking emotions through with you, he loves being encouraged and loves encouraging others! He loves talking and asking loads of questions, about everything, and he is quite loud in general #loudnoises . He loves giving hugs and little kisses, and he has a fun sense of humor and likes making others laugh. Although he is quite sensitive, he can be quite direct with you, and likes to do things in a very specific way! It’s quite funny observing that part of his personality, as he gets that from his dad! Malakai is almost three going on 21 (my little old soul) and I am feeling confident in him as we venture into this new chapter.
When my husband and I talk about baby no 2, there’s a sense of excitement in the air mixed with nervous hesitation. I guess, the only way to really overcome those nerves would be for us to jump into the unknown all over again, hand in hand and embrace it together! And learn and discover all over again. But before we do, we are planning an oversees adventure!
Baby no 2 , we haven’t forgotten about you. We are coming for you! Just be a little bit more patient with us, your crazy parents! We promise that the wait will be worth it, because when we all meet, you are going to feel right at home with us! Just know, that we already love you!