It’s Sunday, Fathers Day and both of my boys have peaceful fallen asleep on the couch together. They both look so warm and peaceful on this rainy Wintery day – perfect snuggle weather . As I type this, I am sipping on my favourite – a Woolies Honey Nut Latte (addicted, and not ashamed) and I’m reflecting on the emotional rollercoaster that our little family has gone through in the last few days. Phew, what a ride with my ‘ride or die crew!’ We take YOLO very seriously in our household it seems.

For those of you who may not know, Malakai our almost three year old son had Seizures on Thursday night and Friday morning. Thursday was a Public Holiday so we went out for the day, and Malakai was fine, a bit tired , but his usual happy bubbly self. As we pulled into our drive way later that day , we heard Malakai let out this deep scream, and as we turned around to see what was going on, we saw that his eyes were rolling back, his hands were clenched tightly, and his whole body was shaking uncontrollably. He was gasping for air, his face was turning blue, and he was not responding to our emotional cries. It was the scariest thing that I have ever seen, or have ever experienced to date.

I held him in my arms , as Rasheed raced to the hospital. We ran straight into the ER, and Malakai was still not responding at this stage. He passed out on the hospital bed and he did not wake up. He was breathing, and he looked like he had fallen into a deep sleep. I remember thinking to myself ; ” What if he doesn’t wake up ? ”  Watching your child disappear right before your eyes for a brief moment, and not respond to you at all is very scary. Therefore it’s only natural to feel fearful, as your mind drifts to dark places.

The doctors started assessing him, and asked a lot of questions. It was hard to think straight and logically after witnessing something like that, but somehow we pulled ourselves together and answered as best as we could. The doctors then told us that he had seizure, and that after a seizure they fall asleep , because it makes them feel very tired afterwards and we must just wait for him to wake up when he is ready. They put him on a drip, then he woke up and felt a bit confused and disorientated , as he did not remember a thing, and did not know why he was at the hospital.

They then admitted us, and wanted to see if it happened again over night or if it was a once off thing. Malakai fell asleep and slept through the night, and we thought; “Okay we will probably go home today, Malakai seems fine!” Rash went home to catch up on some sleep. Then a few hours later at 7 am Malakai screamed again and started with another seizure. This time his whole body arched backwards, he was shaking all over and drooling, and not responsive. The nurses came in, and put a breathing mask on him, and turned him onto his side, and after the seizure Malakai passed out again into a deep sleep. I was by myself this time, and I remember feeling overwhelmed, and started crying, but I heard a calm voice say to me; ” Your family is unshakeable Cass “. I felt this sense of calm come over me, and I knew those words to be true.

I then called Rasheed, and he came almost immediately.  We then stood quietly around Malakai’s hospital cot while he slept and just watched him while he slept so peacefully. When he woke up, he had no recollection of what had happened. He just felt tired. But he soon cheered up when he realized that my parents were there in the room with us.

We were all a bit nervous, as we were waiting for the doctors to come fill us in on what was going on. The doctor came, and we discussed seizures,  types of seizures, and how it connects to Malakai’s night terrors. Side note: Night terrors aren’t like nightmares. Night terrors cause children to sit up, stand up and scream uncontrollably for a few minutes, they are sometimes still asleep, or half awake and then generally pass out again afterwards. The doctor said that seizures and night terrors can be connected, as it effects the same part of the brain in some cases. He also said when a seizure happens, its almost as if the brain short-circuits , causing the whole body to shut down. He joked and said it’s kinda like when we have Eskom’s load shedding. Everything shuts down, then it is up and running a bit a later. The doctor explained that children  can outgrow seizures, and with medication it is manageable. Malakai will need to go for a brain scan next week, and we will then know more about moving forward with it.

Normally, I am the anxious one in our family. But for some reason, and I KNOW it’s because of all the support, love and prayers from family and friends that have some how given me the grace and strength to hold it together and not lose it. I feel confident that God is at work, and I know without a doubt that God is doing only what He can do with the restoring of Malakai’s brain. We have been so overwhelmed by the constant messaging, phone calls, visits , and prayers for our family. Knowing that we belong to a community that showers us with love, makes us feel so overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Thank you to everyone who Tweeted, Snap-chatted, Instagram’ed, Facebook’ed, Watssapp’d, and Phoned – you have NO idea how your encouragement spoke life and courage into our hearts!

Although we may not have all the answers, we know and trust who will always have the last say ; God. Our creator, our loving father, our healer, our provider. Never have I felt this confident in God, and in His promises. Because I know He is who He says He is, and He is always good on His promises! Therefore, our family has no need to fear, because with God at our side we are truly unshakeable.

I keep my eyes on the Lord. With Him at my right hand,
I will NOT be shaken.
Psalm 16:8Malakai

18 Comments

  1. Kelly Delport (Philander) June 20, 2016 at 11:15 am

    We have been keeping you, Rash and lil Malakai in our thoughts and prayers this weekend. God has got all three of you in the PALM OF HIS HAND, and is doing such a mighty work in and through you three as a family throughout this season. Trusting that THE LORD has the final say and has a miraculous report for Mali.

    God bless
    Kelly xxx

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 21, 2016 at 7:28 am

      Thank you so much Kelly, seriously means so much to us <3 More than you know x

      Reply
  2. CharlieW June 20, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    Oh my word! All my love and prayers xxx

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 21, 2016 at 7:27 am

      Thank you Charlene, sending all the love x

      Reply
  3. catjuggles June 20, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Oh Cass – I will keep you all in my prayers.

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 21, 2016 at 7:27 am

      Thank you so much lovely, means the world to us x

      Reply
  4. Bianca June 20, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    I got chills reading this Cass imagining what you must have gone through. Sending much love x

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 21, 2016 at 7:26 am

      Thank you Bianca <3 We are staying strong, and staying positive <3 xxx

      Reply
  5. Maz June 20, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    So scary – you are one brave mamma. Have been thinking of you guys non-stop ♥

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 21, 2016 at 7:25 am

      Thank you so much Maz! Means the world to us, seriously! <3

      Reply
  6. Daniella June 21, 2016 at 7:54 am

    Sending you so much love strength! You said it yourself – you WILL NOT BE SHAKEN! You have God on your side keeping all eyes on you and your family xxxx

    Reply
  7. Joel Samuel Kapepula June 21, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Oh wow,thank you so much for sharing Cass. Your family is in God’s hands and I know that Malakai has a great future. I am keeping you guys in my prayers. Much Love …

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 23, 2016 at 2:55 pm

      Thanks Joel! Means a lot to us! 🙂

      Reply
  8. Belinda Gass June 22, 2016 at 7:03 am

    Hey there beautiful. I will also be praying with you and believing with you that this will pass. In agreement that you and your entire family are unshakeable in Gods hands and in His strength! I pray Proverbs 31 v 25 over you “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Your son is protected by Father and will come to no harm. In Jesus name!

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 23, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      Thank you Belinda! Means so much to us x

      Reply
  9. Joles June 30, 2016 at 7:12 am

    Wow, thank you soooooooooooo much for sharing this. I’ve been going through my own struggles and disappointments. This week has been a very teary one. Feeling very down even in my waiting on God. Thank you for reminding me (even before this week is over) that God is still on the throne even though we may not understand certain things that happen. Thank you especially for that verse! I keep my eyes on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will NOT be shaken. Psalm 16:8

    Reply
    1. Cass Ferguson - Site Author June 30, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      Praying for you, and praying that as you focus on God, he will calm your heart, mind and soul <3

      Reply
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