Yip, I am beyond tired of trying to be perfect, and pretend (delude myself) like I have it all together . Gosh, I’m even tired of really happy optimistic people telling me that ; “You can do it , You must do it , just stretch your capacity , and do it and then fly on a unicorn and touch the clouds!” Frankly , this is my capacity, and no I can’t stretch anymore, I might just die if I do anymore “stretching.” I mean my tired even feels tired, and that’s a lot of tired feels you guys! Anyone else feel like this?
We’re all expected to ‘keep on keeping on.’ We must meet crazy unrealistic demands and expectations. Be an awesome mom, like Martha Stewart kind of awesome, we must be entrepreneurs , we must grocery shop, meal plan, make delicious healthy meals, stay fit, then we must make sure that our children are semi functional and sane, plus let’s not forget be a doting wife who can’t keep her hands off her husband, plus be a good friend to the entire world. PHEW! AM I RIGHT? Basically , I think that I am ready to retire…no but really…who is with me?
And yes, I place most of these unrealistic expectations on myself. Sometimes, I fail myself by comparing myself to somebody else and how great their “capacity” is. Yes, you heard right. I sometimes find myself saying things like “But if she can do it, and do it well, then surely I can too, but why can’t I find the energy or the time to do so?”
I immediately feel this sense of disappointment in myself, like I am failing . Failing at balancing everything. I want to do it all, but the season of life that I am in can’t really allow (cater) for it. It’s a frustrating head space to be in, on one hand I know it’s ridiculous and I am overcomplicating things, but on the other hand I feel this urge or need to be on top of it, and have it all together.
COMPARISON IS DANGEROUS
I went for coffee with a friend awhile back, and I was basically opening up about a season that I am in at the moment. I told her that as difficult as it is for me, I know I need to learn to be okay with doing less, so that I can do the less well, and with better quality. I then went on to say how frustrated I was feeling because I felt like I was failing compared to other women who seem to do it all. She immediately looked at me, and stopped me dead in my tracks with this statement :
” Stop , that right now. Comparison is a downward spiral. Don’t even go there !”
She then went on to say ; ” Everyone’s personal capacity , and lifestyle is different from the next. Whose to say that what you’re carrying isn’t as of a heavier load to carry to that of the next person. What has God called you to carry in this season right now? Do that well. Keep it simple, and do what God has called you to do. End of story!” (hashtag- mind explosion, drops the mic and walks away)
After that conversation I felt this weight fall off my shoulders. When my friend spoke so honestly and bluntly , I had a few mini mind blowing revelations afterwards , those revelations being:
- It’s okay to not always be okay.
- Seasons change, and how we embrace and carry each season is different to the next.
- Focus on what is in your hands currently and do it well.
- Less is more.
- Take the pressure off of yourself.
- Feed your soul.
- You do not need to please everyone, therefore always note and know your heart motives.
- Your story is constantly unfolding, therefore stay to true to it by staying true to yourself.
It sounds so simple , yet we tend to make those things so complicated when it comes to applying them personally within our lifestyles. I know for me personally the above revelations weren’t easy for me to digest, and accept. Because, I like to be in control, and have it all together. But like I have mentioned before in previous posts, my mental health has not been that great this year. Although my mental health is improving, and I am starting to feel like my old self again, there are days where I have to take the pressure off of myself and be realistic when it comes to balancing family, lifestyle, and health.
Which means I need wisdom when it comes to creating realistic boundaries that caters and allows for that wise balance. That also means that I too need to be okay with the process, and embrace each and every day for what it is, and for what it could be. Since taking the pressure off of myself and dismissing the “I must be perfect” delusion, I feel so relaxed, at peace and I am finally enjoying this new season. It’s like a total breath of fresh air.
So, the next time you start to feel like you’re dropping the ball and failing at life, just take the pressure off of yourself and remember that no one expects you to be “perfect”, just be real, be authentic, just be you – flaws and all <3
Hello, imperfectly perfect me and hello imperfectly perfect you!