I have come to realise (rather to my dismay) that “mom goggles” are a thing. I have become more aware of when I am wearing them and how they sometimes distort (or delude) my reality, my parenting reality that is. Mom goggles show you something different, something fantastical that ends up blinding you from the cold heart truth, and it softens the potential blows and melt downs.
MOM GOGGLE LIVING
As parents we all believe without a doubt that our little people are our everything. Which means they are the cutest, the sweetest, intelligent beyond their years, a genius in the making, the next pop star, the next president, the next Bill Gates, or the next Oprah. And yes, as parents we should always think of our little angels as perfect little people with a bright future ahead.
But these little people, are growing little people, who are forming opinions, establishing personalities, defining (more like pushing) boundaries, going through moods, and emotions, learning all about the big world out there. Most days they are the sweetest little angels, but some days these little angels have “not so little angelic moments” (insert Days of our lives theme track, along with a close up shot of John Blacks face)
MOM GOGGLE REALITY
There are those “moments”, where they debate things with you, moments where they just lie on the floor at the mall as a means of a protest, moments where they don’t want to listen to you, moments where they just want to scream like a banshee for no real reason. Then they play this other little game, a mind game , a manipulative mind and heart game.
I am still wrapping my head around this idea of a little sweet hearted soul trying to manipulate a grown up. When I heard other moms, or random strangers saying things like : “be careful, boys know how to work their moms!” I was like ; “They obviously don’t know my son, he loves me, he would NEVER, ever do something like that. Now off you go, you cold hearted soul!”.
I never saw it coming, up until my mom goggles fell off and I had a very rude awakening.
MY MOM GOGGLE STORY
My gorgeous three year old son played a little emotional game with me for one solid week. It was a tough game to play, but I made it out alive (just about), and I made it out victoriously, now I live to tell the tale (insert close up shot of John Blacks face once more)
Every morning I take Malakai to school, we play music in the car and talk about all the fun things that he is going to do and learn at school. We laugh and chase each other as we move closer towards his class. Then as soon we get to the classroom door – he freezes and tries to convince me that we need to go home. He turns on the tears, and tries to make up random excuses as to why he can’t go to school, and he will whole heartedly debate with me outside his classroom door – sound familiar ? (He is only three years old…three…years…old..)
One morning he threw a big fit, like next level crazy walking up the walls kind of tantrum fit, and said (more like demanded) that he needed to go for a drive in the car with me before he goes to school. I was really shaken at this point and quite frankly I was worried about him, I kept thinking to myself ; “Poor guy, he is probably not feeling today ,and wants extra time with me.”
I took him for a quick walk on the beach (as I only had to work later in the afternoon) then when he looked happy and more relaxed I took him to school. (He clearly won that day without me realizing it – because “mom goggles”)
The next day we were driving in the car on our to way to school, laughing and singing along to the music. Then as soon as I parked my car, he looked at me and said ” No, I don’t want to go today, lets go for a drive and go to the beach!”
In that moment, I finally saw the situation for what it was. I felt an array of mixed emotions :
Confused – is this really happening to me?
Hurt – why would he do this me, he is so young!?
Angry – I feel so betrayed!
Creepy Quiet – at this point I tried to keep my cool, and switched off my emotions and very calmly and firmly said ; ” You are going to school , thank you.”
He did a weird fake cry (no tears, but had a very convincing face), and I carried him to class (because he refused to walk) I said to his teacher ” I am so sorry, but I can’t keep enabling him, and letting him charm me with his cuteness so that he always gets his way.” She took him from my arms and reassured me that he would be fine. I walked away from his class without looking back. This mama’s mom goggles were off, and I could see things quite clearly. Funny enough I felt kind of empowered as a mother. I felt like I put my foot down, and stood my ground.
I love my son to death, he is my everything, that’s a reality. As much as I don’t want to believe it to be true – my son has me wrapped around his little fingers. In some ways it’s a good thing, because we have a special bond between us and I love it. But on the other hand it’s not ideal, because he will grow up wanting to have his way all the time, and he will grow up not respecting others, or not respecting me his mother.
That means that every now and then my mom goggles need to come off, and I have to try my best at putting my foot down, and learning to stand firm. Not only is it good for me, but it is good for him. When I fetched him later that day he was happy and full of beans. His teacher said that he stopped fake crying as soon as I left. Then I knew, then and there that it is okay to take off those mom goggles every once and awhile, to shake things up a bit.
Have you ever had a ‘mom goggle’ revelation moment where you felt like parenting had been schooling you ? If so what was your response going forward?