BOO! 👻 No, I’m not talking about; ‘Casper the friendly ghost’ , the supernatural, or about ghost costume ideas. I wish I were actually, because what I am going to share with you today is becoming a rather “normal” behaviour – slash – supernatural phenomenon , so much so, that it has been termed and defined as “GHOSTING”… 👻

SAY WHAT?

Ghosting is when someone all of a sudden stops talking / interacting with you either in person or online, through to straight up ignoring you in person.

                      Yay so fun, said no one ever!

CONTAGIOUS?

Ghosting has become a contagious nonchalant way to behave and we laugh / shrug  it off as: “haha, I have been ghosted, or, I am so ghosting that person!” I am giggling as I type this, as it just sounds straight up absurd and weird to me : the phrase, and the behaviour. Also, I picture people wearing ghost sheet costumes, whilst trying very hard to ignore somebody else, especially in a rather confined space. IT. IS. SO. AWKWARD. SO. OBVIOUS, AND WELL, JUST PLAIN RUDE!

But in all honesty, ignoring, or avoiding someone can be contagious, and often is the “easiest way” to: avoid confrontation with somebody else, OR avoid awkward moments, OR passive aggressively telling someone off by intentionally ignoring them.

This kind of behaviour brings no resolve, it does not grow either parties involved, and it speaks loudly and clearly of your behaviour as the “ghost-er” instead (is that a word- ghost-ter? According to the internet – it is now #yolo)

GHOST BUSTING

I myself have been on both sides of the ghosting game, from ghosting somebody else, through to being ghosted by others. If I have had an issue with someone in the past that I know I am going to see in person at a social gathering of sorts, I sometimes feel like I don’t always have the courage to face them head on, and confront the issue that I may have with them. Which in turn makes it even worse, because you’re stuck in a social space trying to avoid someone, then your paths collide and OOOOH, it’s AWKWARD, which means: very awkward-weird-small talk transpires, and it’s SO uncomfortable for everyone involved. Ha!

Then on the other hand there have been situations, as I said in last weeks post where some girls have straight up ignored me in person for NO real reason at all. I still have no idea why, especially in public settings. It’s like they see you, and they are literally standing a foot away from you, but pretend *really hard* like you are not there, so much so that you start to wonder if you are there, or if it’s all some sort of weird dream. Hmm, maybe they need ghost busting eye wear so that they can see me?

I once went out of my way to my said “ghost-ter” and said rather loudly: “HI, HOW ARE YOU?” She did not know what to do with her face. After all she was being confronted by a ghost, I don’t blame her, it must have been an unreal experience! Ha!

But, in all honesty I was so tired of the tension, especially, because I had no idea why it was there to begin with. It hurt me, it bothered me, it made me feel angry, and insulted by the unwelcomed behaviour from said “Ghost-tee / Ghoster?”

I got to a point where I DECIDED to take those negative feelings, and turn it into something positive. Which meant : I chose love, I chose kindness and grace in those “tense awkward moments”, and I still do. I can’t control how other people feel and behave, but I can control: how I feel, how I respond, which may mean that I need to constantly choose to do the uncomfortable, in order to seek peace !

I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS

I don’t want to live in a world where “Ghosting” is the norm. Where we ignore someone intentionally, whether it’s: online or offline, in person, at work, or college, or at social gatherings. Yes, we can’t force others to like us, and vice versa, but we can choose kindness, love, grace and have basic manners and etiquette when it comes to acknowledging and greeting somebody else.

I don’t see any good coming from “Ghosting” others. It’s clicky, it’s rude, it’s hurtful, and it doesn’t show love or kindness. If anything, Ghosting is an easy way to avoid real underlying issues, whether it’s with somebody else, or within yourself. Ghosting becomes self centered and exclusive, and if anything it can be a very lonely space to live and reside in.

If you have an issue with somebody, or need clarity on something, or are holding an offense against somebody else – why not lovingly confront the issue and the person and talk it out.

Sometimes assumptions, insecurities and misunderstandings can invite unwelcomed tension within relationships, and can cause us to treat others like Ghosts. Having healthy open conversations helps to clarify and resolve things quickly.

However, if someone is: completely mistreating you, is absuive, stalker-ish and straight up crazy, then YES, please use wisdom and caution when dealing with those special people, and ghost away!

But in your everyday remember to choose; kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness and grace when it comes to those that we interact with every day whether it’s online or offline. How you choose to treat others will always speak of your character, not theirs <3

I now leave you with the popular original GHOST BUSTER theme song (it’s such a funny OTT video) :

1 Comment

  1. ella August 21, 2017 at 6:07 am

    really loved this post

    Reply

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