Being in love , or should I rather rephrase : choosing to be in love and to stay in love with somebody else is a tricky business isn’t it? We’re all flawed people, and we all have our quirks – some favorable, and some not so favorable.
Yet, when we choose to commit to somebody special, we choose to do the journey – the LONG journey (the good, the bad, and the weird) TOGETHER.
Love can be: messy, disappointing, and confusing for the most part… YET, in the same breath; LOVE – along with the messy, flawed, and unpredictable – lies the BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
When I look back on my husband and ours relationship – I always giggle to myself. We’ve been together for twelve years, and have been married for almost ten years (this March)! Our relationship has weathered some storms, it’s experienced seasons of Spring and Summer, and it most certainly has birthed some wholesome fruit from it , and continues to do so.
My husband and I despite both being; creative, fun, strong in character, dynamic, crazy, we are also SO VERY different. Yet, our differences; challenge, empower, and inspire us to be better people.
WEDDINGS / DATING / QUESTION MARKS / CREEPY OLD COUPLE
Rash and I met in our early twenties. He was an aspiring rock star with long hair, tattoos, a beard, and was the lead singer of a band : “NEW ALTUM / VERSUS THE WOLF” – HALLO. I was a drama student, always in and out of love (ha) and being abstract – in general (typical drama student) .
- We met at a wedding whilst sitting next to each other, and instantly connected – laughed – shared stories all night, and started off as friends for quite awhile before dating. Our friendship naturally grew into a relationship, it was fun, exciting, and yes – I tried to break up with him every other week out of fear – yet, we grew together – in love – in character – and grew closer to God.
DATING & QUESTION MARKS
- When dating Rasheed way back when, he was the only guy where I didn’t have that “inner question mark” moment around him. You know those moments when you start dating someone, or start liking someone, and you don’t feel a peace about it or about them. Instead you feel this weird lingering question mark, whenever you pause to consider a long term relationship with them…
THAT CREEPY OLD COUPLE
- However, with Rash, I could see us as a really creepy old couple – looking back on our lives together and most probably laughing with fondness about all the things we got up to. That gave me a sense of confidence (as weird as that sounds) to step into a relationship with Rash.
One thing I knew for sure when I committed to being in a relationship with Rash, was that our relationship would be one big constant adventure.
One that I would never feel necessarily prepared for – but one I felt called to.
AFTER THE ‘I DO’S’
We were young-ish when we got married. We were: emotionally VERY immature, selfish, and in essence had NO clue what on earth we were doing for the most part! HA!
The first year of marriage was a bit hectic, I won’t lie ! I think we both felt blindsided.
We soon discovered the sharp reality of what it meant to have someone in your space 24/7 (especially in a small apartment) who is actually quite opposite to you in how you do most things.
There’s no escaping one another (unless youre asleep or pretending to be sleep)
THERE. YOU. ARE – together, in the same small space – flaws and all – learning to make it work – somehow.
We have literally experienced all those ‘life / character’ defining moments that you experience in your twenties through to living it up in your thirties – TOGETHER.
We have gone from; rock n roll band touring days, to career changes upon career changes (mainly Rash), through to renting homes in weird places, through to buying our first cute home, to becoming parents, being constant creative side hustlers, through to preparing for another little baby, and working towards buying a bigger home!
So many adventures, with so many more to come!
Regardless of what the different seasons will look for us as a couple, we will always:
Choose to love one another , we will always choose one another, and we will always choose to stay committed to the journey that God has so lovingly designed for us to lead and live out – TOGETHER.
Over the years through loads of failing, and bumping heads we have learn’t :
- To be better listeners, when it comes to making one another feel heard and accepted in VERY vulnerable moments.
- To breathe before responding, to take heated-impulsive emotion out of the equation – and to not attack one another personally or emotionally.
- To voice and express things with: love, honour, regarding one another in high regards.
- To apologize, forgive quickly, and to not keep score.
- To challenge, and encourage one another to be all that God has called us to be.
- To constantly encourage one another to dream, and to pursue God given dreams.
- To laugh more, and invest in little holidays to recharge as a family.
It’s not about being the “perfect couple”, it’s actually about :
Acknowledging that neither partners are perfect.
And that in order – to grow in love, grow in character, and grow as a couple we need to stay committed to :
CHOOSING to do what is : uncomfortable, what is right, and what goes against our selfish nature – and choose to love one another as best as we possibly can. REGARDLESS, of how hard it can be sometimes.
You see, when we make the “uncomfortable” a normal and natural “go-to” habit – it becomes easier and easier, and it soon becomes your norm and natural way of responding.
Ultimately I want my family, and my home environment to always feel like it’s a safe place. A place where they can run too, instead of run away from. A place where they can open up and overcome. A place that makes them feel loved, and where they can love freely too.
Which ultimately means that LOVE needs to lead our actions, words and environment.
LOVE IS A CHOICE, WILL YOU CHOOSE TO LOVE TODAY?