SIGH, just the title alone makes me want to internally sigh. Because it’s obviously still a thing, and most likely will always be a thing, due to people – well being people. I normally avoid all kinds of drama, whether its personally, or via the inter-webs.

WHY? Not because I don’t like conflict, I actually like and see value in HEALTHY conflict, but I tend to find general conflict (unnecessary drama) , fighting, to be a waste of time, and something that always does more harm than good.

BUT YOH, Online Cattiness is a thing – from passive-aggressive behavior, secretively punishing others by ignoring them, to subtexting, through to gossiping or bullying others online – IT HAPPENS, sadly.


MY TRUTH CULTURE

I’ve noticed (always quietly observing) a few online bloggers / influencers / brands even voice how as women we need to be nicer, and kinder to one another, we need to support one another, encourage and empower. Then there are others who mention how we all need to “speak the truth” even if it hurts or doesn’t go down well with others- because it’s “the truth” and people need to hear it, even though they may not like it etc.

All are very true things to say, but I always think to myself what is the heart MOTIVE behind what you’re saying?” 

AFTER ALL…

YOUR TRUTH could do more harm than good.

YOUR TRUTH could be spoken from a selfish, insecure space that ends up bullying or breaking others down, because it’s labeled as “your truth” and your opinion.

For example :

I may strongly believe in my faith as a Christian – but I won’t go around bashing others for believing something different or choosing to do life differently from me – because honestly that’s not my place. All I can choose to do is love others regardless of differences.

Imagine if I made crazy statements online like “YOU DON’T LOVE JESUS, YOU’RE GOING TO BURN, TURN OR BURN-TURN OR BURN!” and then I labeled it as : “Oh well it’s my truth, so handle it!”

Okay, maybe an extreme example – but my point being:

THERE IS ALWAYS ETIQUETTE , and a way you could (or should) speak “your truth” that doesn’t have to BLINDLY dismiss or intentionally hurt others… H E L L O!

Calling it your truth or your opinion after saying something down right harsh, is just well – plain ignorant and um, stupid! ha!

YIP, I am going there.

Normally I try my best to filter and word things well, and I will always. But sometimes people say and do rather stupid things if I am honest – and there is no beating around the bush about it.

If women are still wanting to encourage community, whether its online or in person, it goes to show that women are still not getting it right. A few are, and a few are sincerely passionate about seeing empowered women empowering others – and I am all for that. I just get annoyed that it’s still an ongoing conversation, perhaps it shall always be – maybe it’s something we need to keep pushing until it becomes our norm eventually?! There is hope!


IT’S A CHOICE

I often write on observations that I have experienced online and maybe you can relate to some of them :

ONLINE HONESTY

WHEN THE INTERNET LOSES ITS MIND

ONLINE FAKERS

INTERESTING PEOPLE YOU FIND ONLINE

Through writing about these various online topics, I am hoping to challenge and encourage the way we interact online and offline in a healthy way. I want to challenge us as women to take a step back and look into our hearts, and see if we need to re-look or rethink the way we go about treating others.

One of my favourite sayings is this : “Always leave others feeling better than you found them.”

That means the way we CHOOSE to interact with others, through our conversation, and actions should make them feel more loved, light, encouraged, happier, and more motivated.

I don’t know about you, but one of the worst things in the world is after having a conversation with someone and you walk away feeling hurt, disappointed or attacked.

I never know why some people choose (yes it’s a choice) to treat others so poorly. The only reason and conclusion I can fathom, is maybe that they are insecure and so they act / respond and behave out of that space. I get it, but it doesn’t make it right, as we ALL have a choice when it comes to what we choose to say or do before doing it.

It comes down to WANTING to change, and wanting to choose to do what is right, which isn’t always easy, and not within our comfort zones, right?


POST WHAT YOUR PREACH

One thing that also drives me nuts, is when people want to preach or post bold statements online, or even have very LOUD opinions on their Insta-stories – but don’t actually live out a single thing that comes out of their mouths in their personal lives. DRIVES ME NUTS.

When our words and actions do not match in our every day lives – we lose influence , we lose respect, and people end up not wanting to interact or listen to what you have to say anymore.

SO, please choose wisely : YOUR WORDS, YOUR ACTIONS, leave conversations making others feel better and stronger – not weaker or broken down by your presence.


GOSSIP LIKE WILD FIRE

ALSO, another element of online cattiness : G O S S I P !

I hate that this is stereotyped around women mostly, and somehow boxes us as something all women do. HATE IT!

Gossiping is a weakness, pure poison, and a sickness, that we all fall prey from time to time.

Gossip is an intentional action. It’s purpose is to destroy plain and simple. It looks for fault. It only sees imperfections in others and thrives off of it.

AND it breeds like a fire.

If we want to empower other women, we need to stop making fires with our words.

If you find yourself in a conversation, or starting a conversation about somebody else ask yourself this:

If that other person were sitting next to me, would I still say the same things about them? If NO then please zip them lips.

Are the words that I speak : true, helpful, kind or loving? If not then zip those pretty lips.


LET LOVE LEAD

REMEMBER if you see value and worth in who you are, you will naturally feel confident and then love others without insecurity. You will instead love, and show love to others out of a secure and confident space.

If you want to empower other women, then start by loving yourself and loving others sincerely.

Women empowerment cannot be faked or forced. It has to be SINCERE & REAL.

If you struggle to love others from a secure space, maybe take a moment to reflect and get to the root of it. Find healing if need be. Then unlearn those nasty behaviors that hurt others. Say sorry if you need to, then move forward choosing to be kind. It’s never too late to grow or refine in character! You can do it!

REMEMBER…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. –  1 Corinthians 13:4–8

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ONLINE CATTINESS ? DO YOU THINK IT’S A THING?

7 Comments

  1. Mari-Louise Candiotes July 16, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    On point. Great piece my friend and yes, so sad we still need to preach kindness but maybe to our kids it will be second nature…

    Thanks for always being a light. xxx

    Reply
  2. Chantelle Beukez July 16, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    I so love reading your blog posts. I think you impart so much wisdom through them. Here’s hoping that these words fall deeply I to the hearts of those who just can’t seem to stay away from this behaviour, and that it will start to transform them. So much truth in one word – you have a choice. And striving to always leave people feeling better and built up and confident after a conversation. We’re all dealing with struggles and hardships, and being that person who is mindfull of how you speak and treat others serves such a big purpous, maybe one we’ll never ‘see’ but the ripple effect lasts for generations.

    Reply
  3. Charene Soares July 16, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    Loved reading this! So much truth and don’t agree with people doing this! It’s really often so dramatic and with enough drama and ‘tough times’ that we all face, there isn’t any need for pettiness like this. I’m also not sure if it’s just me, I may be way off, but I don’t see international bloggers doing this too often, so not sure why this is happening so much amongst local ones. Funny and strange.

    Reply
  4. Sade July 16, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    Love this post! I agree with every single word you have written. Kindness goes a long way. Love your truth… Don’t just paste into others while hiding behind a screen. There is so much bullying online… That words have to be chosen wisely. Thank you so much Mama x

    Reply
  5. Jonelle July 16, 2018 at 9:13 pm

    I am sitting here nodding like s crazy person.
    All the YES!!!

    Lol turn or burn has me in stitches 🤣

    Reply
  6. MommabearTrax July 18, 2018 at 6:53 pm

    So much truth. I’ve never really paid too much attention to all of it..and maybe I was just thick skinned back then, but I’ve observed it so much in recent times. It’s quite sad.

    Great piece,my lovely! As always 😉

    Reply
  7. Anna July 20, 2018 at 7:21 am

    This is an important topic handles really well in your article. I think that we need to be able to differentiate between offence and convictions, they are not the same. When we are offended, we will react ugly. But like you say, we have a choice. Sometimes, we see things around us that we want to respond to in truth, and that is conviction, then we must choose to respond in kindness and love. Great piece, thanks for sharing!

    Reply

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *