I have rewritten this post countless times, or have either gotten half way – then deleted it, or left bits of a post in my drafts section…The one part of my “writing self” wants the post to flow beautifully, and have all the words cascade effortlessly, whilst my heart just wants to spew it out all in one swoop.
With anxiety there is always this struggle between the mind and the heart, therefore, I go back and forth, and if I can’t decide – then I pause and kind of drift into a passive limbo state.
I kind of feel like even though life this year has been moving at a ridiculous rate for our family, in the best kind of way – my mental and emotional state feels like it’s been drifting in autopilot mode.
It almost feels as if I am moving in slow motion, whilst everything around me moves at the speed of light. It probably sounds really strange, but it’s the best way for me to describe my mental & emotional state right now.
Hence, I have put “blogging / Insta-influencing-brand colabing” on hold this year. For me personally, right now in this season, I just feel like I can’t “keep up-with the keeping up“.
LEAVE A MESSAGE, I’LL GET BACK TO YOU
I can’t check my social media channels every two minutes and reply to every single message, or post every day, or think of creative content that captivates the audience and increases engagement. I just don’t have the energy or mental capacity for that right now, and that’s okay. Heck, I can hardly keep up with my wattsapp messages and emails – the struggle is SO REAL!
I feel like I have my hands full at the moment, I have two young kids, I now teach at two schools at a full time capacity – which means I oversee a couple of hundred kids on a weekly basis. We also moved house recently, into such a beautiful home – which required a lot of head space, and intentional time for the planning and prepping for the move.
My anxiety felt like it was going through the roof at one point, that I was considering increasing my medication – but then I came to a point where I started looking at SIMPLIFYING everything in my life.
I started focusing on what was most important to me, and letting go of the things that were either too time consuming, OR NOT THAT important, AND LETTING GO of things that added to my anxiety in any way.
My main focus was (and still is) to be in a good state of mind for my family, and most of all for me. Which means I put my wholehearted energy and time into my family, and into my work with all the kids that I teach throughout the week.
INCOMING, CALLER ID
I realized that being on Instagram regularly at one stage was causing me to feel overwhelmed.
Side note – Instagram has no real control over our health, we allow it to get the better of us, hence my mindset got the better of me.
I love how Instagram can inspire and encourage, and I love learning from others in that space.
When I first started blogging 5 years ago, my intention has always been to encourage and connect with others through honest heart stories, experiences, and take on life through my writing.
I love knowing that maybe my failures or weakness in an area made someone else feel less alone, or if I put something encouraging out there – knowing that it maybe sparked joy or shed light in a dark area in their life, made me feel like their was purpose in my writing and in me sharing online…
CALLER NOT AVAILABLE
At one stage I started feeling (and again this is just my opinions and thoughts) like everything was becoming very ‘brand orientated’ on Instagram- “REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW – GIVEAWAY, GIVEAWAY, GIVEAWAY – LOOK WHAT I GOT – LOOK, LOOK, LOOK”
AND I get that people need to make money, and that colabing with brands is great and it helps one another out etc.
However, there was a stage where I would open my IG account and just see ‘brand after brand, after brand‘ being promoted through someones profile, and yes I get it. I sometimes colab with brands if I feel like I honestly love the brand and think my audience will like it – but I am so weary of not overwhelming my audience with tons of brands on the regular.
And I know each to their own, and I get that times are changing. But for me, it was not sitting well with my soul, and I feel like my ‘blogging style or Instagram style’ if you will – wasn’t or isn’t really fitting in to a specific ‘blogging-Instagram-clique or group’ anymore.
MAYBE I am not fast enough with the rolling out of content, or passionate enough to post content every day! Which started making me feel anxious.
AGAIN, my mindset, my issue. HA!
My mistake was allowing myself to get anxious over what other online people were doing.
My Mistake was letting myself think that I was failing and not fitting in and keeping up with every other online person out there.
Maybe I don’t fit in the “mom blogging” group anymore, maybe I outgrew it, or maybe it outgrew me, or maybe I wasn’t really in that group to begin with #awkward , HA HA!
I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I know I do very quirky random things on my insta-stories that gets a couple of hundred views, and those people get me.
Maybe ‘those people‘ are ‘my people‘, and maybe I fit in ‘that group‘–> “The quirky, the weird, the be whoever we want to be group“, ha, and I’ll take it !
All I know is, after my long social media-blogging hiatus of really doing some soul searching in regards to social media and writing, I am wanting to figure out my new evolved voice online going forward.
RING, RING, HELLO!
So I am on a journey, I am not putting myself in a box anymore, or worrying “what, when, why and all the essential ‘to-do’s” of Insta-influencing-blogging etc… I am going to do what I want, how I want, and when I want!
I am going to try new things, talk about whatever is on my heart and share what feels right and comfortable to me, along with all the weird and funny of course! Because that’s my jam!
You are more than welcome to join me on this heart journey. Maybe we can help each other find our ever evolving voices in a day and age that is ruled by social media telling us who we are and what we need to be.
Maybe we can move forward telling the internet and everyone out there that we are whoever God has called us to be, and we can make empowered and informed decisions based on our; callings, giftings, talents, and values in an ever changing world.
Also, I wanted to say THANK YOU to the special online followers / friends who have stuck around – constantly encouraged, stayed in contact with me, or sent daily messages to my insta-stories- I so appreciate and value those connections, and you making the time to message and encourage me! It means the world to me.
I am so beyond grateful that we can journey this next chapter online together!
ON-WARDS & UPWARDS!
Whose with me?
Pics via : Pinterest.